Thursday, August 23, 2007


(not to long ago someone told me that I think too much--so I am reposting/revising this ...)


It started out innocently enough.

I began to think at parties now and then -- to loosen up.

Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I became concerned about America's occupation of Iraq and Afghanistan. I would ask others about our reasons for being there, but no one wanted to talk about it. This caused me to think about it more...

Soon, I began to think alone -- "to relax," I told myself -- but I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time. That was when things began to sour at home.

One evening, insisting that we turn off the finals of American Idol, I asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly we are doing here and how do we contribute to our community?" One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job." This gave me a lot to think about.

I came home early after my conversation with the boss.

"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!"

"But Honey, surely it's not that serious."

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college
professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on
thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's a faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama.

"I'm going to the library," I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some Nietzsche.

I roared into the parking lot with National Public Radio on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors...They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day, I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night.

Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathustra, a poster caught my eye. "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinker's Anonymous poster.

Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.

I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Talladega Nights."

Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home.

Life just seemed...easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking.

I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today, I registered to vote as a Republican.


literaghost said...

Who told you that?! Let me at 'em! :D

Hey, have you checked your e-mail yet? If not, go do it, already!

- Miz L.

literaghost said...

Also, my revision:

"It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

I hated to break it to her that I already was a college professor. The news might've been enough to make her pretty head explode.

- Miz L.

louise said...

A Google Search on the meaning of life served up your "Thinking" article and I am so glad it did. I laughed until I almost cried out my confession, Thinkers Unite. Although many can think me under the table, I like to pretend I can think like the best of them.

If by chance your wife has not yet conducted an intervention (by asking you to answer the meaning of life question...allow me to do so here.

I'd love for you to visit my web site and submit your MOL answer. ***All social thinkers are invited.

Thank you for the Friday night giggle!

take care,

phil said...

What a great post. Thank you. I have been a heavy thinker myself. You post gave me hope.

Gabriel said...

I have that problem too. First time someone told me about this troublesome habit I was just a teenager, troubled and thoughful. My sister's friend comes up at me, (at a party my sister was holding at our place) and sees my wondering, perhaps worrisome, face, and knows my mind is wandering. She says "Gabo, you think too much". Has happened a couple of times again, that someone comes up and tells me, over the years, I just can't help it.

When I started to read this I knew I was not alone, and that there are support groups for my affliction.