I've been suffering from a wicked bout of depression this summer. Strange, as the job search ended successfully with a tenure-track position. I think the stress caught up to me when I finally stopped to assess where I was in life--what I like to think of as the rubberband effect. I also felt a creeping sense of becoming part of the problem (because if you aren't doing anything to change it...) and suddenly, my writing dried up, with a horrifying sense of really having nothing to say. I've also been reacting badly to the general decline of our nation and feeling powerless, sort of like a lone turd circling downward in a turbo toilet flush.
Well, anyway, I've been coming out of that sense of despair and looking at the world anew. I'm starting to write again and will start publishing on this political site (and at my film and literature sites)...
I just visited this website Long Pauses. While browsing Darren's film and literature writings (I like the aesthetic-structure of this site) I followed his suggestion and checked out the music of Sufjan Stevens. Its mellow, but very moving and left me wanting to hear more.
Enough of the Long Pauses of life ... here's to moving onward...
5 comments:
I had a wicked case of depression eons ago and somewhat struggle with it continuously. I really monitor myself so I don't go back into the pit I did years ago.
Ignorance can be bliss I think. Sometimes being aware and keeping abreast of all the crap that is going on in this world can take a toll. I'm not saying this is the cause of your depression, just that I find an uncanny correlation between bright informed individuals and depression haha. I do believe it contributes. I try very much to do something as well as know, and I find that helps me.
Hang in there Michael - I'm glad to hear you are starting to feel better.
First off, congrats on landing the tenure track position. That must have been a stressful process.
Secondly, glad to hear you're emerging from the tunnel of depression. Judging from the comments above, a lot of us have been down that road, so you have empathic ears. It's hard to face up to the world, particularly in recent times, without taking a mental beating.
I wish I had something more profound to say, but you just have to hang in there sometimes and not lose hope or perspective. There's no magical elixir for any of this, as you no doubt know.
the job search ended successfully with a tenure-track position
Congratulations! I'm going on the market this fall; I hope your good fortune rubs off on me!
Thanks Susanne,
I just got back froma week vacation in Banff where I hiked to the point of physical exhaustion... no kidding at one point i was crying because my body hurt so much, other times I was terrified because I had seen scat and tracks of a bear and I knew there were reports of a grizzly in the forest i was in... I'll write about this amazing place and my advetures.
Thanks for the good thoughts and the suggestion--peace!
Thanks Harry for the link to the MP3 of Outloud Dreamer. What song is it? Or, better yet which disc is it from?
Will listen to this more...
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