Saturday, November 07, 2009

Great Christina: 101 Positions That Won't Spice Up Your Sex Life

101 Positions That Won't Spice Up Your Sex Life
by Greta Christina


But sexual variety can mean so much more than rotating your bodies in different configurations before inserting Prong A into Slot B. And these books seem blind to these possibilities. They hardly ever talk about erogenous zones outside the obvious ones. They hardly ever talk about dirty talk, dirty outfits, foreplay (or, as we dykes like to call it, "sex"), sex toys, slowing things down, speeding things up, role-playing... all that good stuff.

And they almost entirely ignore the crux of any good relationship, sexual or otherwise: communication. Talking about desires, talking about fantasies, talking about the outfits and the toys and the dirty talk and the slowing things down, not to mention actual communication skills -- how to ask, how to listen, how to negotiate, how to set limits, how to move forward together with experiments -- little or none of this gets included in the discussion of how to bring variety into your sex life.

Even when they do talk about this stuff, it's no more than a cursory, "get it out of the way" mention before getting on to the important business of describing and demonstrating the Double Reverse Astronaut Position. These books might as well be titled, "101 Ways to Have the Exact Same Sex You've Been Having, But With Your Bodies Arranged Somewhat Differently."

To Read the Entire Essay


Paula S said...

Fabulous article! I can't agree more about communication being key here. The reason most people find themselves looking for things like new position books and sex toys is because they need a change or some "spice". However, if they don't discuss what these changes might be and mutually agree to them, then the books, toys and lingerie are just a band-aid on what might be an issue that needs to be discussed. Thank you for pointing this out!

Kelly said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.